By Danny Clark, CFP®, Certified Private Wealth Advisor®
I had a client mention recently, “I feel like I’m struggling.”
He wasn’t being dramatic. This is someone with a seven-figure net worth, multiple properties, kids in private school, and more financial security than most people will ever have. But he meant it, and after we talked for a while, I understood where he was coming from.
His peer group had shifted. The people he spent time with (other founders, investors, and executives) were operating at a different level; they were chartering jets, buying ranch land, and writing eight-figure checks to nonprofits like it was no big deal. He was doing well—by just about any measure—yet in his day-to-day life, he felt like he was falling behind.
This is what we call relative wealth anxiety, and it’s one of the quieter struggles we see with affluent clients. Objectively, on paper you know you are wealthy. But emotionally, it doesn’t always feel that way.
The Peer Group Problem
Here’s what typically happens: you join a startup early and work hard for years. When the company goes public, your options turn into real money. Now your network naturally starts to evolve and the people you meet at industry events or through mutual connections aren’t just doing well, they’re playing at a much higher tier.
This is the point when your frame of reference begins to quietly shift. Instead of comparing yourself to a colleague who made $20 million, now you’re comparing yourself to the founder who made $500 million; the person who has a family office with a full team, not just a wealth advisor and a CPA; the person whose name is on a building.
Not only is this tiring, it creates a tension that’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t felt it.
Appearances Are Deceiving
It’s important to remember that what you see isn’t always the full picture.
People who appear to have massive wealth are sometimes carrying significantly more debt than you might think. The private jet could be fractionally owned, the “family office” could be a smaller operation than it sounds, and the vacation home in Maui could have a hefty mortgage attached.
I’m not saying this to diminish anyone’s success but because it’s easy to assume everyone around you has it all figured out; the reality is usually more complicated. You’re probably seeing the highlights, not the whole story.
Money vs. Wealth
This brings up something we talk about with clients all the time: there’s a difference between money and wealth.
Money is what you have, while wealth is how you live.
You can have a top 1% net worth and still be miserable. You can dislike your work, become detached from your lifestyle, and feel trapped by the expectations you’ve created. Instead of true wealth, that’s just a large account balance.
Real wealth means you’re living a life that actually feels good. You have the freedom to make choices that align with what you value. You’re not performing for anyone else and you’re not chasing a moving target that someone else set. That shift in perspective is often the first step in managing relative wealth anxiety.
What Are You Actually Chasing?
When clients bring up this feeling of falling behind, I usually ask: What are you actually chasing?
If it’s more money, what would that get you that you don’t already have?
Is it status or recognition? If so, whose approval are you after, and why does it matter?
Or maybe it’s a different lifestyle? Do you genuinely want the bigger house or the exotic vacations, or does it just feel like what you’re supposed to want?
Sometimes the answer is clear. They want to build something specific: a legacy for their kids, a second venture, a meaningful philanthropic impact. That makes sense. But the answer is usually fuzzier. It’s often this feeling that “more” would somehow feel better. And that’s where things get tricky.
The Lifestyle You Want, Not the One You See
The question isn’t whether you’re in the top 1% or the top 0.01%. The question is: Can you live the lifestyle you actually want?
If the answer is yes, you’re in good shape. If it’s not, then it’s worth exploring what needs to change. But that’s a different conversation than comparing yourself to someone who happened to own more equity.
We’ve seen clients get caught up trying to match lifestyles that don’t even appeal to them. They buy vacation homes they rarely visit because their peers have them. They join clubs they don’t particularly enjoy because it feels expected. They spend money pursuing an image instead of building a life that feels right.
Rather than genuine wealth, it’s only maintaining appearances with deeper pockets.
Are You Trying to Be Your Friends or Be Yourself?
At some point, you have to decide: Am I trying to be my friends, or am I trying to be me?
If you’re trying to keep up with people whose wealth is 10x or 100x yours, you’ll always feel inadequate. No matter how much you have, there will always be someone with more.
But if you’re building a life based on what actually matters to you (your family, your values, your goals), then the comparison becomes irrelevant. You’re playing your own game, not someone else’s.
Getting Comfortable With Enough
“Enough” doesn’t mean settling. Once you define what “enough” actually looks like for you, you can give yourself permission to stop chasing beyond that.
For some, enough means financial independence and the ability to never think about money again. For others, it means being able to take big swings on new ventures without risking their family’s financial stability. For others, their “enough” is building generational wealth or making a meaningful impact through philanthropy.
Whatever it is, the goal is to get clarity. Because once you know what you’re building toward, the noise around you gets a lot quieter.
Are you feeling this tension, like you’re doing well but it still doesn’t feel like enough? Perhaps the issue isn’t your portfolio but your expectations.
We at Solidarity Wealth would be happy to talk through what that looks like. Reach out to our team at info@solidaritywealth.com or call 385-374-1665 to schedule a discovery call.
About Danny
Danny Clark has a passion for serving successful families and making a positive impact in their lives. With over a decade of experience in the financial services and banking industry, he creates personalized retirement and financial plans for families to help them pursue their financial and family goals throughout their life. Danny’s experience in serving some of Park City’s most established families along with the deep experience, skill, and services of the Solidarity Wealth team allow Danny the opportunity to serve a growing number of successful families.
Prior to joining Solidarity Wealth, Danny served as a Wealth Advisor at another firm, and before that spent 12 years at Wells Fargo in Park City as a regional private banker. At Wells Fargo, Danny was responsible for developing lifelong relationships with families, while developing tailored banking, credit, and retirement solutions to help his clients be successful in their financial journey.
Danny has his bachelor’s degree in business management and holds the Certified Private Wealth Advisor® designation. He and his wife, Lindsay, are Park City natives and raising their own family. In his free time, Danny is an avid golfer and skier, and enjoys spending time with his family.
Solidarity Wealth is a registered investment adviser. This material is solely for informational purposes. Advisory services are only offered to clients or prospective clients where Solidarity Wealth and its representatives are properly licensed or exempt from licensure. Past performance is no guarantee of future returns. Investing involves risk and possible loss of principal capital. No advice may be rendered by Solidarity Wealth unless a client service agreement is in place.
